Saturday, 22 June 2013


This week has been bittersweet.
On thursday I visited friend who this week gave birth to her daughter at 27 weeks. She didn't make it. And then last night, less than 24 hours later, I got the news that another friend gave birth to her gorgeous, chunky and healthy son.
What an emotional ride I've had. I cried on the doorstep of the first and squealed down the phone line of the second.

Mr Chunky's mum said "Just smelling him and listening to him yabber in my ear is so heavenly....nothing on earth comes anywhere near this."
Oh how true are her words, I can't wait for a snuggle. Bringing a new little life into the world is absolutely amazing. Nothing comes close, she's right. I remember all four births vividly. They all played out differently, one on my back, one epidural, one in the shower and one on the floor. All painful. All beautiful. And the feeling of loosing one is the antithesis of this experience. I've felt that pain too.

Ever had a miscarriage?
I have. It's devastating. I miscarried very early on in my pregnancy but I loved that little person with my whole being. I named her and pray to her all the time. I always think of how life would have been with her in it, what she'd look like, what her little voice would sound like. But knowing that Little H would not be here if my angel had gone to term makes me realise that her short little life in my belly had a purpose.  Even typing this I've got tears welling up.

When I miscarried I was shocked at the number of women who wanted to talk about their own experience. At least half of them cried recalling their story. It's a life lost and a mother's love runs so deep. That's why I think I lost it on my friends doorstep the other day, you never forget.

O dear, I probably shouldn't have written this post with a room full of boys between me and the tissue box.
Maybe I should borrow my scarf and let this one lie for a bit.
To be day........maybe..........maybe not.

woowzers I was JUST about to sign off and my big boy came in (like literally 1 minute ago) and said:
Mike: "Mum what is puberty?"
(thank goodness I didn't have the light on, just the shine from the screen)
Me: "' the other day you were talking about a boys voice going squeaky at school? well that's puberty."
Mike:"so it's metamorphosis?"
Me: "Yeah I suppose. What are you watching in there?"
Mike: "Footy"
Me: "Hmmmm....ok. Darl?"

Well that conversation certainly dried the eyes.
But it's over and out for me, I think my emotional tank needs a rest.

With Love
Liv xo


  1. this is so beautifully honest olivia. I feel so very blessed to have never suffered a miscarriage, though I have known friends who have and have seen what sort of wake it can leave. you are so strong to think of the positive side of such a sad, often crushing occurrence in a woman's life. bless you for sharing so openly and honestly about something so dear and personal x

  2. Thank you Tahnee.
    I went to the funeral today and the priest said something beautiful, "her life hasn't ended, it has just changed". I thought that was lovely and I sat there imagining all the little angels that have passed wrapped up in God's loving arms x