Thursday, 15 August 2013

A trip to the Dentist

I went to the dentist twice last week. I was asked to leave the first appointment after Bear screamed, non-stop, for ten minutes. He must have thought I was being attacked or something, not even a portable DVD player sufficed. He sure lived up to his nickname, he roared, ripped the bib and glasses off me, pushed and pulled at the of those cringe moments.
So I signed up for a babysitter and booked myself in again 4 days later.

(24hrs before 2nd appointment)
ring ring   ring ring
"Hi Mrs Denahy it's Cathy from Terrific Teeth, I'm just confirming your appointment for tomorrow."
"Yes I'll be there, thanks"

I spent extra time that night brushing, flossing and attacking plaque with a sewing needle. The same routine the next morning plus I sucked on half a packet of mints on the way there- all in the name of fresh breath.

....I enter the dental surgery and am knocked over by the even stronger fresh breath of the room, but this time it's starkly different, it's that gross minty-fluoride-gel-smell with a hint of calcium power and a splash of Cathy's cheap perfume.
I say hello to kind, overweight Cathy and take a seat. My eyes dart from cavity to cavity, there are pictures everywhere and I close my eyes and pray that my misadventure with a chewy milko won't result in root canal.
The white lab coat assistant waves me in and I do a good job of pretending I'm perfectly at ease.
I lie down and don the bib and glasses once again. The needle goes in and I pinch my arm so hard my BMI appears on the anorexic scale (clearly a very false reading, and an intensely strong pinch).....I remain perfectly at ease.
Then my favourite part:
The male dentist, who definitely had tuna for lunch and with hands larger than most lunch boxes, packed my mouth full of foam pieces and then wedged both hands right in on top, AND THEN asks: "So how was your day Mrs Denahy?"
(I attempt to swallow but end up with lockjaw).....and this continued on for 50 mins!

*Ground calcium and fandangle dental adhesive gave my nostrils something to talk about, whilst the assistant's technique with the water and suction left me speechless for days. On so many occasions I thought I'd never see my tongue again and she seemed to compensate me by spraying my face with inappropriate amounts of water spray straight from the back of my throat.

Hopefully it's the last I'll see of Dr Tunabreath and his sidekick for a while, as for the milko, you and I will never meet again.

Happy Thursday
Liv xo


  1. Dentists should be banned from eating tuna, full stop.

    I laughed when I read your comment about crab-climbing up the doorframes. Snap! Our girls should totally get together!!! x

    1. I'm not sure if it was tuna breath or the odour was coming straight from his unwashed paws.....nasty nasty!
      ps: thanks for following Bron, it put a huge smile on my dial. x

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  3. Thank God I've never been subjected to a dentist like Mr Tuna Breath! Dentists should be banned from all smelly food I'm thinking!

  4. I'm feeling nervous just reading this! why do they always insist on a conversation after your mouth has been packed?
    Stay away from the Milkos :)

  5. Thanks for this great post! We should make our children aware of the things regarding dental health.

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